


Kiss Me Baby

by fragment11 (bluedreaming), kaithartic (bluedreaming)



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-21
Updated: 2015-04-21
Packaged: 2018-03-25 02:56:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3794038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluedreaming/pseuds/fragment11, https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluedreaming/pseuds/kaithartic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Six stories, six couples, six new beginnings.</p><p>Everything from unexpected pregnancies to bad decisions to minor and major derailments along the way — babies don't stop life from happening but they will change your life, whether you chose them or not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. When we were brave

**Author's Note:**

> With the addition of Your arms are here, I am marking this story as complete, however I will be coming back to it at a later date with another cycle of stories further along in the timeline.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sehun and Yifan

"...cowardly, irresponsible assholes.” Yifan is muttering angrily under his breath, peeling the plastic off of the tenth pregnancy test.  After the first one he only tried — because it was just a thought, just a passing thought — came back positive to his all of a sudden shaking grasp, he didn't even care anymore, marching to the front of the pharmacy with the entire rack of twelve or so "early warning" tests _early warning, like that's early enough when it's already too late_ and glared at the cashier who was red in the face and stammering as she rang him through, dropping one test on the floor which Yifan didn't even wait for as he stormed out into the cold December air, his breath visible in an angry cloud in front of his face.

Now he's in the bathroom, plastic pregnancy tests all showing positive cast aside in an abandoned heap of blue and white like the tangled limbs of casualties — Yifan isn't going to kill him, he reallly isn't, he loves his boyfriend to pieces but — the tenth test is aready waiting on the edge of the porcelain bathtub and he's opening the wrapping of the last one, the eleventh one, _eleven minutes to midnight_ , and he's shaking by now he's so scared. He makes a mess of things and he doesn't care, the tenth one goes blue like a sign of evacuation _please pull your escape cords now_ and he's just staring at the eleventh one now. Staring. It's the longest moment of his life.

Blue.

It's almost a relief to know except it isn't, it really isn't, and after one dizzying moment, the last test falling from his suddenly weak grasp, he turns and empties out the contents of his stomach into the toilet.

That's where Sehun finds him, opening the door after a long day at work shooting pictures of models but mostly organizing and discussing and complaining about camera equipment and shoddy use of photoshop.

The lights are still off in the apartment from where they are on the 45th floor, the living room lit only by the lights of the skyscrapers across the river, and Yifan can hear Sehun's confused scrabbling around the wall for the light switch.

"Yifan?"

Yifan only manages to swallow. His mouth is sour and he knows he should get up off the floor. He's not a baby — _oh God, I'm going to have a baby_ — he's once again hanging over the toilet, forehead resting on the cold surfact of the sink. He dry heaves into the toilet, the sound punctuated by Sehun dropping his bag on the floor and running over to the bathroom door in his shoes — Yifan doesn't even care about the mud on the parquet right now — he's looking at the floor in the dark and the light goes on and he blinks. 

Everything is white.

Sehun kneels down on the floor and gathers him up in his arms, long bony arms and legs folding up and Yifan isn't going to cry at the relieved comfort he feels, his cold fingers wrapping around Sehun's warm hands. He really isn't.

He cries all over his younger boyfriend's shirt, snot and tears smearking all over the white cotton knit. Sehun doesn't say anything, only looks around the bathroom at the mess it's in, cellophane and cardboard and platic dotted with blue, and Yifan hears him take in a startled breath.

And then Sehun is shifting so that he can put one hand on each side of his overwhelmed boyfriend's face and look him in the eyes and say,"I'm here. And I'm sorry this happened because I know we didn't even talk about this and you probably hate me right now and nothing I can say right now will fix this but I just need to tell you that I love you, okay?"

And Yifan swallows one final sob, a last tear leaking down one cheek, and nods. Because somehow that was the exact right thing for Sehun to say.

Sehun helps him to his feet and pulls him gently over to where he takes his older boyfriend's clothes off, folds him into his fuzziest totoro pajamas and tucks Yifan into their king-sized bed, the flannel sheets warm and soft on his skin. _You're going to be the best dad_ , the thought drifts idly through his head as he can hear the sounds of Sehun cleaning up the mess in the bathroom before coming back to slip into bed and wrap his arms warmly around him. Yifan nestles into his warmth.

He can always kill him in the morning.


	2. Last night we fell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jongdae and Zitao

"...I'm just keeping it alive..." Zitao's voice fades off, speaking into the dial-tone.

"We're sorry, your call did not go through. Please hang up and dial again." The automated voice, a garbled fascimile of a woman's voice, is an old friend. Zitao sighs and hangs up. He never dialled anything anyway.

 _Sometimes it feels like this isn't a real relationship_ , he repeats in his head. _Sometimes it feels like it's roadkill that someone kicked to the curb and everything I'm doing is pointless. Something that's dying anyway and in my delusion I'm just keeping it alive._

He feels sick, sitting in the cold morning light, as the kettle in the kitchen starts to whistle. A warning siren for the future.

Somehow it doesn't happen though; he sees Jongdae, smiles despite the sad twisting in his stomache. Jongdae waves and he follows like a kicked dog. _I hate myself today._

He lets Jongdae fuck him into the sofa again, and cleans up in the cold after he's gone. His tea is cold and he dumps it into the sink. _Why am I doing this to myself?_

His mom calls on skype. The reception isn't great, he blames it on the weather. She frowns when she looks at him but doesn't say anything. She knows better. "What happened to your friend, Sehun?" There's an undercurrent of pleading to her voice; Zitao doesn't like it much but he doesn't know how to fix it. He doesn't know how to fix anything. _What do you do if you're not sure you love your boyfriend anymore, and you're pretty sure he doesn't love you?_

"He got a boyfriend," he says finally. He's happy for Sehun, he really is. Inseparable during university, they're still good friends and meet up for ribs on Sundays. Jongdae isn't invited. Sehun never liked him much. _Fair's fair though, I guess. He doesn't bring Yifan either._

Zitao brightens up, and he can see his mom's frown fade into a softer expression. "They're having a baby," he says, grinning at the image. Yifan, so panicked. Sehun, so grown up somehow. _You'll make such a great dad._

"You should have a baby too," his mom laughs before they hang up. Zitao thinks about Jongdae, and pushes the thought away. _Like that will ever happen._

But when he's staring at the strip on the flimsy plastic test weeks later, the second blue stripe swimming into view, he remembers his mom's words. They echo through his head like an omen of ill fortune.

He sits in the bathroom for a while, calls Jongdae without pressing the buttons and listens to the mechanical woman tell him to hang up. He leaves the phone off the hook.

 _11:47_ Sehun...I'm pregnant.

 _11:54_ well fuck  
_12:00_ are you going to keep it?

Zitao stares at the screen and wants to throw iPhone across the room, but he doesn't. It costs too much money, for one. His job as a lab technician pays well, but if he's going to have a baby he has to be more responsible. _I guess...that means I'm going to keep it, right?_ He realizes that he's somehow already decided, in the seconds between reading Sehun's message and deciding not to chuck his phone at the gleaming white porcelain of the bathtub.

 _12:03_ yes

He gets up off the floor and makes a cup of tea, drinking it while it's still hot. It tastes good, minty on his tongue. He smiles.

_...our love was in the hall  
All packed in boxes_

Zitao hasn't seen Jongdae in a couple weeks.

"You need to tell him," Sehun says. They're standing next to each other, looking at the cold winter wind whip over the duck pond, stirring up the water into messy waves.  Zitao stuffs his face down into his scarf. He's three months along; you can't really tell yet but he's very concious of the life inside him. _My baby._

"Yeah..." he sighs, the sound getting sucked by the wind out over the lake to disappear between the tall grey apartment buildings. 

He takes the subway after saying goodbye to Sehun, who's on his way to another photoshoot.  "Tell him," Sehun says, as the doors swish shut. Zitao nods.

The steps up to Jongdae's apartment feel steeper than usual but he's not going to surrender and use the elevator, he's not _that_ pregnant. And if he's out of breath and has to pause for a moment, bent over, hands resting above his knees, it's just because the air is chilly in January.

So that's why he's still standing at the top of the steps when Liyin, Jongdae's ex-girlfriend, storms out of his apartment, the door slamming behind her so hard it bounces and the lock doesn't catch, so Zitao can see Jongdae standing in the doorway. Their eyes lock, Jongdae's eyes widening in surprise.

"You're such an arrogant fuck!" Liyin shouts over her shoulder as she makes her way to the elevator, the steps where Zitao is standing in her path. "You never learned anythi—oof!" Zitao is too startled to move, as the beautiful woman with long brown hair walks right into him. As he overbalances, there on the top of the stairs, starts to fall.

And then Liyin has his hand in hers and she's pulling him to his feet. Zitao starts to shake, there on the steps, and he wants to stop but he doesn't know why he's shaking. Liyin takes one look at him and pulls him into Jongdae's apartment, elbowing him aside when he's too stunned at the strange turn of events to move.

Liyin has him wrapped in a blanket, a mug of warm peppermint tea in his hands, perched on the sofa as she sits beside him, glaring at Jongdae until he closes he door with a muffled click, the electric lock announcing in a sing-song voice that it's shut. Zitao finds himself snuggling into her warmth. He's never met her before, but he somehow likes her a lot. _Jongdae, you might be a jerk sometimes but you have good taste._

He watches Jongdae look around almost hesitantly before sitting down awkwardly in the armchair across the coffee table from them.

"Hi Zitao," he says. Zitao nods. Liyin sighs.

"Are you guys actually dating?" her voice isn't loud, but it somehow rings through the room anyway. And Zitao isn't sure, exactly, but her bluntness helps him get to the point.

"I'm pregnant," he says, the words spilling out of his mouth so easily. It feels right. He can feel Liyin shift beside him as she turns to look at him, but his expression must reassure her because she gives him a quick smile before looking back at her ex.

Jongdae is frozen, hands clutching the arms of the sofa, his fingers white. His long eyelashes flutter as he blinks, and Zitao realizes, with a sinking feeling in his heart, that he's still in love with him. He wants to reassure Jondgae that everything will be okay; he starts to open his mouth — and then he feels Liyin's warm presence at his side, remembers her hand reaching out to save him from the fall, and waits.

Jongdae doesn't say anything.

Somehow Zitao isn't expecting him to. He gets up, because it's getting late, and he still has to take the subway home. _Maybe I'll take a taxi._

Jongdae is still sitting in the living room as the door closes. Liyin walks with him to the road and flags a taxi when he starts to head in the direction of the subway.

"You'll keep the baby, right?" she asks, as he's getting into the car, cold tendrils of wind whispering a change in the weather. Somehow the question doesn't feel awkward. He nods, smiling. He's still smiling when his phone buzzes in his pocket and he pulls it out as he steps out of the taxi in front of his apartment.

 _20:52_ hi this is Liyin ^^ I got your number from that useless boyfriend of yours so text me if you need anything okay?

 _20:54_ thanks (*o*)

 _20:57_ you still love him, don't you

 _21:01_ yeah

 _21:03_ if he breaks your heart I'm going to hurt him

Zitao pays the taxi driver, grinning as he takes the elevator up to the eighteenth floor. He hangs his coat up neatly and puts the kettle on, peppermint leaves in a glass cup. The wind rattles the windows slightly, but it's warm inside. _Where are you, Jongdae?_ He stares into the dark, as winter clouds become snow.


	3. This lonely house

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Baekhyun and Junmyeon

This time, when Baekhyun calls Junmyeon, the phone goes to voice mail. Not that it ever does anything else lately, always, he just keeps some strange kind of hope hovering around his chest, beating powerless wings against the inner walls of his rib cage, and it keeps on struggling even as the days stretch on longer and longer, the nights darker and darker.

"Did you really want this baby?" Baekhyun asks his face in the mirror, hands tucked behind his back, far away from the soft swelling of his belly. It doesn't show much yet, he's only in his fourth month and yet he can never forget, the presence that follows him around wherever he goes.

It hadn't exactly been planned and yet there'd been an unspoken agreement of sorts, they'd stopped using condoms this year though they hadn't actually said they were trying for a baby, Baekhyun not quite sure enough of his feelings about the matter to ask, and Junmyeon too busy in the office lately, _always_ , to notice the shadowing in the hollows of his cheeks, the puffing skin under his eyes. He texts the results to his husband after leaving the obstetrician's office, Junmyeon replying back with a friendly but brief That's great! Love you ♡ as though congratulating Baekhyun on winning a microwave from a magazine raffle.

Baekhyun doesn't push, because he doesn't even know what to say. He just goes along, sketching lines on the screen, a webcomic of people who say "I love you" face to face and hold hands as they take walks on lazy Saturdays.

When Sehun, his art school underclassman and friend, stops by to drop off a baby shower invitation, Yifan being due the next month, he looks at Baekhyun and frowns.

"Are you okay?" he asks. "You don't look very well for someone who's four months pregnant."

"I'm pregnant," Baekhyun shrugs, the scratchy fabric of his shirt irritating his tender stomach so that he rubs awkwardly at the dry skin with the back of one hand, barely noticing the veins standing out against the skin.

"That's not a reason," Sehun frowns. Baekyun takes the proffered invitation and excuses himself to the washroom, where he doesn't throw up, only leans his forehead against the cool porcelain of the bathtub.

 _I'm not sick_ , he thinks to himself, eyes closed, the strips of light from the florescent tube lights leaving neon green gashes through the dark, _I just don't know anymore_. After a while, he straightens himself and stands up, dabbing a drop of Penhaligon's Lily of the Valley on his wrists and behind his ears before stepping out of the bathroom. Sehun is already gone.

 

_ There's a sound around this lonely house that's leaving me filled with fear _

 

Junmyeon is sitting at him desk, smiling at the photo of Baekhyun on the lockscreen of his phone and organizing project files on his computer when the secretery rings in a visitor. He looks up to see Yixing, his university friend and fellow conspirator, if that's what you can call midnight coffee raids and contraband chocopies. _Life isn't easy for medical and law students._

"Hi!" he says, grinning, flicking one last file into a folder before spinning in his chair to gesture Yixing to take a seat. "What's up?"

"Um," the usually articulate and direct Yixing is strangely vague today; Junmyeon looks at him in some concern.

"Is everything alright?"

"Yes," Yixing is quick to reassure him, "we're all good and everything. It's just, when's the last time you actually spent time with Baekhyun?" There is an uncomfortable pause, as Junmyeon opens his mouth in mild annoyance to spit out a number before realizing, with a grimace as he sits back and slowly closes his mouth, that he has no idea.

"You don't know, do you?" Yixing says quietly, and Junmyeon has to nod, the sudden realization hitting him like a dull blow.

"Sehun called me this morning after he stopped by your house," Yixing continues, "he was heading out of the country on a short trip or he would have come himself. He said Baekhyun wasn't looking well."

"He's sick!" Junmyeon exclaims, bright panic staining his voice as he reaches for his phone. "Why didn't he tell me?"

"Wait!" Yixing says quickly, hand darting out to catch Junmyeon by the wrist. "It's not that he's sick exactly; he just looks...well he looks lonely and sad." He looks at Junmyeon closely as he says the painful words, as though checking to make sure his friend will be okay.

Junmyeon doesn't feel okay. He feels terrible. "I...I didn't mean to make him feel that way,"  he says, slumping forward to rest his head in his hands. "It's just gotten so busy now that I'm a head partner and I was trying to clear all the big cases so that I'd be able to take a big step back once the baby is born and..." The excuses seem weak and trivial even to his ears. _How did I do this so wrong?_

Yixing reaches out to ruffle his hair, exactly like he used to in the old university days, when Junmeyon was stressing out about exam results that he ended up acing anyway. "You can fix this," he says, smiling encouragingly. "I know you love Baekhyun a lot and you care about him very much." Junmyeon nods slowly. "You just need to make sure to spend time with him, not fall into bed after he's fallen asleep and haul yourself out of bed before he wakes up. Remind him that you're actually there for him."

"Thanks so much," Junmyeon says, and if his eyes are a little wet Yixing doesn't say anything. "I owe you ten." He stands up to give his friend a hug as he rises to leave.

"I'm just curious," Yixing says, turning back in the doorway. "What did you do when you found out Baehkyun was expecting?"

"Umm," and Junmyeon has to think for a few moments before he can remember, "he sent me the results from the obstetrician and I texted back that it was great? I think?"

Yixing stops walking and gives his friend an incredulous loook. "You sent him a text? That's all?"

"Well, we'd just started trying," Junmyeon says faintly. "I was expecting to hear good news."

"Junmyeon," Yixing says, "you are a class A nincompoop." He scowls as he left the room, the heavy door swinging shut behind him with a soft thump, even though his eyes are crinkling with incredulous laughter.

 

_ Please don't stop loving me _

 

Baekhyun is just finishing off a tender kissing scene, the two high school sweethearts reunited by happy serendipity and enjoying their first kiss under the light of the moon, when he's interrupted by his phone buzzing. _Junmyeon?_ Everyone else is on Do not Disturb. He saves his work and checks the message. Let's go out for supper today? I'll pick you up at 6 ♡

Baekhyun winces at the thought of supper. He isn't feeling so well, hasn't been for a while; the doctor has told him it's normal and just to take it easy but he really doesn't want to leave the house today. _But Junmyeon asked._ There's a sort of dull hope in his chest that maybe this will mark the start of something different. _Maybe everything will make sense again, and I'll know why I'm pregnant._

So he finishes the last panel, sends the strip off to his editor, and takes a bath, spending extra time on his hair, which has been a bit limp and dry lately. He lets the conditioner sit in for ten extra minutes while he sits in the chilling water and pretends he doesn't feel nauseous. His skin is dry and he spreads lotion over his gently rounded belly, his fingers tentative. _Baby,_ he thinks, trying out the words. _My baby._ He still isn't sure how he feels about it, but he pulls on a soft silk t-shirt and his favourite pants that he can still mostly get into, though they fit a little too snugly around the waist, but he hasn't really felt up to going to look for maternity clothes yet. He blow-dries his hair to glossy perfection, applies some eyeliner, winging the outer edges perfectly, and he almost feels like himself again. His stomach rolls as he walks towards the door when the doorbell rings, picking his coat up from the rack on his way out the door.

 

_ Please don't stop caring now _

 

It's nice, seeing Junmyeon again properly; as Baekhyun melts into his warm hug he realizes that it has been far too long and he should have said something earlier. He smiles at his husband, and when his stomach gives a particularly strong lurch he hides the wince in a small laugh and slides into the passenger seat.

The restaurant is hushed, muted lighting in the form of ornate chandeliers hangs above each table, gentle piano music emanating from the pianist at the baby grand sitting on a slightly raised platform to one side of the dining room. It's lovely. Baekhyun isn't hungry at all.

He smiles at Junmyeon, at the server, at the menu, pointing vaguely at anything as he swallows and pretends the room isn't listing to one side, his mouth filling with saliva, knuckles white as he clutches at the table.

The food arrives, the mouth-warming smell of pasta alfredo and pasta pescatore and Junmyeon smiles at him, picking up his fork —

Baekhyun all of a sudden can't bear it any longer, rising from table in a mad scramble of hands and legs and tangled table cloth, the glass of alchohol-free wine tipping to flood his plate in a splash of burgundy as he runs for the restroom, Junmyeon's alarmed voice buzzing faintly in his ears. _I'm so sorry._

He makes it to the toilet, throwing up the small contents of his stomach and then dry heaving until his arms tremble as he tries to hold himself up, eyes tearing and his head splitting with a massive headache. Part way through he becomes vaguely aware of someone holding him up gently and putting a calming hand on his forehead, whispering hushed reassurances in his ear. When Baekhyun finally stops, his body too tired to keep trying to void something that isn't there, he slumps back into Junmyeon's chest with a dry sob. He's too exhausted to cry.

"Baekhyun, I'm so sorry," Junmyeon murmurs in his ear, rocking him gently back and forth on the cold bathroom floor. "Why didn't you tell me you weren't feeling well?"

Baekhyun's voice is barely a rough whisper over the acid pain of his raw throat. "You finally had time," he says quietly. "I didn't want to ruin it."

Junmyeon's eyes are wet as he rests his face in Baehyun's hair, drawing a deep breath. "I'm so sorry," he says again. "I'm so sorry that I left you alone."

"It's okay," Baekhyun rasps, even though they both know it isn't. "I know you didn't mean it." His voice sounds sad. "It's just that sometimes...sometimes I don't even know. Why are we having this baby? Do you even want the baby? Is it something we did for the wrong reasons?" His voice trails out until the last words are barely audible. Junmyeon swallows, closes his eyes for a moment against the sudden twist in his heart.

"I'm so sorry that I made you doubt us," he says after pulling himself together. "Because I love you so much and I love our baby so so much too." Hesitantly, as though he isn't quite sure if he's allowed, he lets his hand slide down Baekhyun's waist to rest gently on the small roundness of his husband's belly. Baekhyun's chest flutters, hope blossoming into a flower.

They go straight to the Yixing's clinic after that; it's after hours and Yixing isn't an obstetrician but he's happy to diagnose Baekhyun with a 24-hour flu, to Junmyeon's great relief.

"Just make sure to rest and drink plenty of water and electrolytes," Yixing says, handing Junmyeon a heavy box of pedialyte. "Make an appointment to see your obstetrician in the morning."

Junmyeon nods as he helps a tired but reassured Baekhyun into the passenger seat. "I'm going to take tomorrow off from work," he says. "I need to spend some time at home." He smiles at Baekhyun, who sticks out his tongue despite the exhaustion rimming his eyes. The tightness in Junmyeon's chest finally unwinds itself in relief.

_We're going to be okay._


	4. The dawn of my wake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kyungsoo and Yixing

Kyungsoo wakes up with the light from the red lanterns yesterday still lurking in his peripheral vision, happy dreams split apart by the shrill ringing of the telephone.

"Yixing?" he rolls over in the bed but it's empty, the sheets cold. "Yixing?"

Kyungsoo isn't the type to get worried unnecessarily, but the red numbers 5:00 AM are blinking at him from the digital display next to the bed and Yixing didn't have the night shift at the hospital — _he isn't even on call_.

It's hard to think, air reverberating with the ringtone that he wishes in retrospect was something nice and soothing. Kyungsoo groans slightly as he props himself up and pulls himself over the cotton sheets to the phone sitting in the charging dock on the nightstand. At seven months pregnant nothing is as easy as it used to be.

"Hello?" He knows he sounds tired and grumpy but it's five in the morning and he'd finally gotten to sleep at midnight because the baby had been too excited. _I love you baby but I need my sleep too._ He's trying not to be worried either and that makes him extra curt.

"Kyungsoo?" It's Lu Han on the phone. Kyungsoo's heart starts racing and he can feel the baby fluttering. _Why is Lu Han calling?_

"Lu Han?" Kyungsoo asks, his voice catching in the middle like a started breath. The curtains flap open slightly in the chilly night air. _Why is Lu Han calling. Why is Lu Han calling?_ His fingers are shaking around the phone.

"It's not critical," Lu Han says right away, and Kyungsoo isn't sure if it's better or worse, the fact that Lu Han feels the need to tell him this before anything else.

"What happened?" The words are cascading off of his tongue, he can't shape his head around the thoughts. "Where's Yixing?" Lu Han clears his throat, on the other side of the phone. Kyungsoo can almost see his face, white doctor's coat and green or blue scrubs. The expression he makes when he has to go out to the waiting room and give patients the bad news.

"He got hit by a car —" Kyungsoo can't year anything else that Lu Han is saying over the pounding of his heart. There a sharp kick to his stomach, the baby is asking what's wrong but Kyungsoo can't even think over the rushing of blood in his ears. The room swims.

"KYUNGSOO!" he hears echoing over the phone and the surprise of Lu Han actually shouting is enough to keep him from accidentally dropping it onto the floor. Lu Han's words are urgent, and that more than anything else helps him take an objective step back.

"Kyungsoo, he's okay. He broke two ribs and his left wrist but he's okay," Lu Han says calmly, the words slow and measured. Kyungsoo sits and breathes. The baby stops kicking, only faint flutters revealing its movements. _I'm sorry._

"Okay," Kyungsoo says, after taking a deep breath. "I'll be there as soon as possible." He can hear Lu Han taking a breath and he knows what he's going to say but Kyungsoo cuts him off. "I'm going." Lu Han chuckles.

"That's better," he says. "I'll see you then." There's a click as he hangs up; he's probably at the nurses' desk. Kyungsoo dials for a taxi.

_won't make a sound_

The air is cold; he's still in his pajamas but he didn't feel like stumbling around looking for a change of clothes. His ankles have been swollen lately and it makes everything just a little bit harder, but it's not important right now. Lu Han meets him at the entrance, it's not visiting hours right now of course but Kyungsoo wouldn't take no for an answer even if Yixing wasn't a resident doctor here, and a pregnant Kyungsoo is double the threat, once he gets started.

"He's still sleeping," Lu Han explains in the elevator. "It's the remnants of the sedative because we had to operate on his wrist." Kyungsoo frowns sharply at him, and Lu Han shrinks back slightly.

"You didn't say anything about operating over the phone," he accuses Yixing's coworker and his old school upperclassman. In the harsh florescent light of the elevator, Lu Han looks tired. There are bags under his eyes and his lips are chapped. _It's been a busy night._

"You sounded like you were having a panic attack over the phone," Lu Han retorts, giving as good as he gets. Kyungsoo blushes slightly.

"If you breathe a word," he threatens. Lu Han nods quickly. Kyungsoo doesn't make idle threats.

_recall the pieces_

Yixing looks too small, somehow, in the hospital bed, dark hair on white sheets and his left arm in a cast. His left leg is bandaged too. Kyungsoo purses his lips but doesn't say anything.

"When do you expect him to wake?" he asks Lu Han instead, and he can see the relief in the doctor's eyes that he's let the matter of the injured leg go. _For now._

"Maybe an hour or so," he replies. "That's why I told you to wait —" Kyungsoo cuts him off with a flick of the wrist.

"And if Minseok got hit by a car would you be waiting at home?" he asks instead, watching Lu Han's expression fall. "I thought so."

Kyungsoo pulls over a chair and settles down beside the hospital bed, his fingers folded around Yixing's warm hand. It's still dark outside, but the sky is just starting to brighten. There's a soft swish as the door slides shut behind him but he doesn't look.

_the calm of my state_

It's dawn when Yixing opens his eyes. He groans softly, feeling his arms and legs, the cast on his left arm and the bandages. There's an IV in the crook of his right elbow. _What happened?_ He blinks, once, twice, before last night comes flooding in, the ice, the lights, the — _Kyungsoo?_ He's sitting up in bed before he's had time to think about whether it's a good idea or not; the way his head swims for a moment a good sign that it wasn't but it's not important.

Kyungsoo is sitting by the bed, holding his hand. He's dozing, leaning against a — ? Yixing blinks in surprise, his brain slow to process the morning.

 _Is that a human-sized plush sheep?_ Whatever it is, the picture of it beside Kyungsoo, his husband drooped over slightly to rest his head on the sheep's shoulder, makes Yixing's heart, flutter. Kyungsoo is so precious when he's sleeping, the soft swell of his stomach like a ripe fruit; tears come to Yixing's eyes when he thinks that he could have lost them forever. _I could have broken your heart._ A Lunar New Year beginning in tragedy. His fingers tighten reflexively around Kyungsoo's hand and his husband stirs, groaning slightly as he straights and moves his feet. Yixing can tell that Kyungsoo's ankles are swollen and he'd like nothing more than to be able to take his husband home and tuck him back into bed where he belongs.

"I'm so sorry," he whispers. He doesn't think that Kyungsoo has heard him, so he's surprised when his husband looks at him and answers.

"You should be," Kyungsoo frowns. "The phone rang and woke me up and you weren't there." He sounds grumpy, but there's the smallest undercurrent of panic in his voice and Yixing's heart contracts. _I'm so so so sorry._

He doesn't say anything, just shifts awkwardly, his arm getting tangled with the IV, but Kyungsoo gets the hint and leans over for a hug. Yixing can't wrap his arms around his husband properly, but he rests his head in the hollow of Kyungsoo's collarbones and neck and feels the smooth firmness of the baby between them.

They stay that way for a moment, until Kyungsoo has to pull back, because the angle is killing his back. It's only when he sees the red on the white sheets that Yixing realizes he pulled his IV out. Kyungsoo spots it a moment after and glares at his husband before pressing the call button.

"I want you home in one piece!" he scolds, but Yixing smiles because Kyungsoo sounds okay. _Everything will be okay._ "I got this sheep to keep you company but maybe I'll keep it for myself." He sticks out his tongue but Yixing only laughs, as they wait for the nurse to come.

The sun is shining in the window, gold light falling across Kyungsoo's face, his slender wrists crossed over his stomach.

"Happy Lunar New Year," Yixing says. Kyungsoo rolls his eyes, but gives his husband a kiss anyway.


	5. Courage because I love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chanyeol and Jongin

Baekhyun's baby is born early on a Saturday, so both Chanyeol and Jongin are able to go see their former university classmate.

"What's it like?" Jongin asks curiously, as Chanyeol coos  over the baby, carefully holding her nestled in his arms. _Lately it seems like everyone is having kids._

Baekyun smiled. He looked tired, but radiant. "It's the best thing that ever happened to me," he says, and the mushy look that he sends Junmyeon, sitting in a chair next to the bed, is somehow too tender for words.

In the car on the way home, Chanyeol looks like he wants to say something, he keeps looking over at Jongin in the passenger seat and opening his mouth but then thinking better of it, fixes his eyes back on the road. Finally Jongin has had enough.

"You're going to get us so both killed, being so distracted while driving," he says, poking Chanyeol lightly in the arm. They've lived together for so long that they have the whole routine down. Chanyeol won't want to say something, Jongin will make him say it, and then it will all spill out and be peaceful again. _Best friends for life._

"It's . . . well," and Chanyeol's voice trails off, fingers white on the steering wheel. It's strange, and for the first time Jongin feels a pang of . . . not quite worry, but something very akin. _Do you finally want to move out?_ he thinks and the idea hurts more than he would have expected it to. They've been flat mates for a very long time, after all, and their lives are mixed up, coffee cups in the cupboard, red sheets stacked together with the blue.

Jongin doesn't know what to say.

They drive home in silence.

Chanyeol turns off the ignition and and they sit, sit by side, in the underground parking lot. There's still music playing, neither one has opened their car door yet.

Finally Chanyeol turns to Jongin, in the passenger seat, taking a big breath before opening his mouth. Jongin braces himself

"Have you ever thought about having kids?" Chanyeol asks in a small voice. His eyes are anxious as he searches Jongin's surprised gaze, looks away.

"Kids?" Jongin can't hide the surprise in his voice. He's honestly never thought about it, kids are for . . . well kids are for couples, _right_? And yet somehow the idea is oddly appealing. He remembers Chanyeol cooing over the baby, the smile on his face, the weight in Jongin's arms as Chanyeol passed him the baby girl.

The idea takes root.

"It's okay," Chanyeol says, and opens the car door. His footsteps in the sudden silence are loud. "It was a ridiculous idea." Jongin sits in the car, illuminated only by the small dome light, and thinks.

_***_

"What's it like, having a baby?" he asks Sehun. He's dropped by after work, Sehun is just wrapping up a photoshoot, assistants scurrying this way and that while Jongin stands in the middle of the room and tries not to get in the way. Sehun looks tired, there are bags under his eyes and his lips are chapped from the dry winter air but he smiles fondly at the question, and Jongin feels . . . something.

"I wouldn't give it up for the world," he says, and Jongin can tell that Sehun's mind is far away, at home with Yifan and the baby, not here with the lights and diffusers and assistants.

He realizes he wants it too.

"Chanyeol?" he asks, over supper, spaghetti and tomato sauce that Chanyeol made because Jongin isn't great at cooking, he's better at other things around the house like vaccuuming and laundry and getting the faucets to gleam like polished silver. Chanyeol looks up; Jongin can tell that his best friend's mind is somewhere else, there are practically numbers scrolling across his pupils and he almost chickens out but then he doesn't. "Remember what you said, earlier, in the car?"

And it's obvious that Chanyeol does remember, that he's obviously been thinking about it these past few weeks, thinking about it a lot, because his gaze snaps up and his eyes are suddenly completely present. There's apprehension in his expression, a kind of tentativeness that Jongin hasn't seen since they first talked about moving in together, feeling out the thing they have between them.

"Yes?" Chanyeol asks, and the word is such a small word in comparison with all the emotions it's trying to express.

"You asked if I'd ever thought about having kids," Jongin says, and it's strange to say out loud what he's been running over in his mind for so long, but it feels so right, somehow, and that more than anything helps him finish his thought. "I hadn't, before, but I've been thinking about it now, thinking about it a lot, and I think . . . " his voice trails off, but one look at the almost hopeful expression on Chanyeol's face and he finishes in a rush of words tumbing over each other, "I think I want to. Have kids," he adds, to be clear. "I really, really want to."

He's not imagining the expression of joy on Chanyeol's face, and he's pretty sure he's wearing an equally mushy expression.

"Wow," Chanyeol says, and Jongin nods. He can't think of anything else to say.

_***_

They end up talking to Lu Han about it, and though it's not precedented, there aren't any rules about asexual people getting in vitro, "after all," as Lu Han explains, "that has nothing to do with it," so they book their first appointment with a lot of excitement and a little trepidation.

"Which of you wants to carry the baby?" Lu Han asks, and Chanyeol and Jongin look at each other and shrug. They haven't thought about it.

"I'm okay with it," they both end up saying at the same time, and Lu Han bursts out laughing, until Jongin and Chanyeol are laughing too, at the wonderment of it all. That this is real.

"That's a first," Lu Han finally says, after calming down, and he puts on his serious face, though his composure is a little crooked. "Do you want to, I don't know, flip a coin or something?" Chanyeol and Jongin look at each other and grin.

"Why not?" Chanyeol says, and Jongin pulls out his wallet. They give the honour to Lu Han, who makes both of them promise not to blame him for the repurcussions, no matter what happens.

"Heads," Chanyeol says, a split second before Jongin shouts, "tails." They share a lop-sided grin as they watch the coin arch through the air and land on Lu Han's outstretched palm.

"Heads," Lu Han announces, and Chanyeol looks scared for a split second before he raises his fist in a victory cheer. Jongin gives him a hug, just because.

"I can do it next time," he says, "if we want."

Lu Han scolds them to take it easy, "start with one okay?" But Jongin and Chanyeol are grinning at each other too hard to listen to anything he's muttering on about.

And the day the pregnancy test comes out positive, Chanyeol is so happy he's a crying mess to Jongin on the phone, who comes home right away, and they squish together on the sofa, wrapped up in a blanket, and start picking out baby names.

Jongin thinks, as he sits beside Chanyeol, leaning his head on his best friend's shoulder, that it's the things you didn't even know you wanted that are the best.


	6. Your arms are here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lu Han and Minseok

Sunrise always comes too early on a Monday. Lu Han is torn from sleep by the shrill bleating of his alarm, _I hate that thing_ , flailing around as he gropes for the snooze. There's a loud crash and the sound of something breaking, but the alarm is still screaming. Cracking one eye open, he dares the sunlight, because Minseok likes to pull open the drapes when he wakes up and nothing Lu Han can say will apparently change his mind.

The smell of coffee drifts in through the arch of the bedroom doorway, and Lu Han almost forgives his husband, but the alarm is still ringing and when he looks down at the ground, the snooze button has detached itself from the rest of the clock, glinting sadly in the morning light as the alarm continues to vibrate. It's chilly, early in the morning, but Lu Han swings the handle to open the window and drops the clock down from the seventeenth floor. The sound of the alarm, fading away, is satisfying.

Padding on bare feet to the kitchen, Lu Han pours himself a coffee, hopping up to sit on a stool at the counter. Minseok is reading the paper, cup half empty.

"What did you do?" he asks, the paper crinkling between his hands. "Throw the alarm clock out of the window?"

"Actually, yes," Lu Han says, taking a sip of coffee, letting the thick liquid roll over his tongue. _Delicious._ He can bear to open his eyes now. Minseok just shakes his head, not saying anything, as he turns the page.

"You'd better remember to buy a new one on your way home from the hospital then," he says, then makes a face, suddenly, setting the porcelain cup down on the marble countertop with a startling clunk.

"Are you okay?" Lu Han asks, concern breaking through his early morning laissez-faire. He reaches over to rest his hand on Minseok's forearm; his skin feels a little colder than usual, but maybe it's just his imagination.

"It's nothing," Minseok says, giving his head a little shake. "I think we just stayed up too late last night, had a little too much fun . . ." He punctuates his sentence with a saucy wink and Lu Han feels better _and worse_.

"You're such a jerk," he huffs, talking another gulp of coffee and jamming a slice of bread in the toaster. "Don't tease when you know I'm already late."

"There's time if we rush. . ." Minseok makes a show of looking at his watch, letting the unbuttoned collar of his shirt slip down to flash a line of collarbone. Lu Han groans, choking as he feels Minseok's foot inching along his thigh to press on the bulge in his pajamas. _Why are you so flexible?_ With regret, he pushes back his stool and slips off to stand on the the cold tiles.

"Thanks to you, my shower is going to have to be cold now," he scowls, but the middle finger his flips at his husband as he heads for the bathroom is more teasing than angry.

"You know you love me," Minseok calls after him, newspaper still rustling. "In fact, I love you so much I'll eat your toast right now so you don't have to eat it cold." Lu Han can hear the toast popping out of the machine and shakes his head.

❁ ❁ ❁

The hospital is busy today. _Every day_ ; Lu Han is glad to be able to head to the Obstetrics, Gynaecology and Andrology wing where people have appointments and babies have schedules. Fertility is an island of calm in a sea of car crashes and broken limbs and cardiac failures.

"Hi Lu Han!" It's Yixing's voice, he turns and sees his friend waving. _I'm so glad to see you around._ He's still on crutches from the accident, but looking well.

"How are Kyungsoo and the baby?" he asks, pausing for a moment and taking the excuse to lean against the nurses' station. He's feeling a little off today and he doesn't know why. He smiles at Yixing, and hopes he doesn't ask.

"Kyungsoo is fussing around as usual," Yixing smiles affectionately, "I think he's so happy to be walking lighter that he forgets that he doesn't get more than an hour of uninterrupted sleep at night anymore." He shakes his head, but the sparkle doesn't leave his eyes. "I'm just popping by for the day to collect some files, I don't want to be too off track after I'm off sick leave."

"You mean paternity leave," Lu Han reminds him, pointedly. They've all been hinting heavily that Yixing needs to take a proper break, after the accident, but he's always too concerned about his patients to listen. _Oh well, Kyungsoo will make sure of that._

Yixing nods his head noncommittally, waving Lu Han off as he continues down the hall.

❁ ❁ ❁

By lunch time Lu Han is feeling really strange, he's tired and hungry but when he thinks about eating his stomach rolls and he has to sit down.

"Are you okay?" Sunyoung, his assistant, looks at him in some concern. Lu Han is about to nod, brushing off her comment, when his stomach flops completely over and he's running for the restroom. When he comes back, pale and a little wobbly on his feet, she's waiting by the door, a determined expression on her face. Lu Han sighs internally. Sunyoung with a mission is undefeatable.

She hands him a urine cup.

Lu Han opens his mouth, but nothing comes out.

"I'm not pregnant," he says, but his voice is less vehement than he was aiming for. It sounds more like resignation. _This was never part of the plan._

"Then it'll come out negative," Sunyoung says, and she sounds so reasonable, Lu Han almost wants to nod, _yes_ , but catches himself and frowns instead, stepping forward to walk past her to his desk.

"I'll call Yixing," she says, and Lu Han stops walking. He knows a lost cause when he hears it; but that doesn't stop him from stomping petulantly back towards the restroom.

❁ ❁ ❁

It comes out positive.

Lu Han sits, at his desk, listening to the silence of the room, the humming of the central air, the whispers of feet passing in the hall. _I don't know what to do._

"I never wanted a baby," he tells the hanging emptiness of the afternoon, white clouds piling outside the window. The word sounds strange in his mouth. _Baby._ It's not something that fits with Lu Han and Minseok, the busy professionals, the kid-free best friends, the ones who like to party on the weekend, drinking a little too much wine and flagging a cab home, making out in the back seat as a prelude to a Sunday spent in bed, laughing and poking fun at the kama sutra.

He thinks about telling Minseok. He thinks about not telling Minseok. He thinks about terminating the pregnancy.

"I think you need to go home," Sunyoung says softly, walking out of the storage room with a pile of files in her hand, all expertly tagged and ready to be pulled for reference tomorrow.

Lu Han nods.

❁ ❁ ❁

He's driving when he gets the phone call. It's Minseok — the shrill ringing of the alarm ringtone an inside joke that feels flat right now. Everything feels flat. He doesn't know what to say.

Lu Han pulls over, hits the hazard lights. The phone in his hand is vibrating, and it's not because he doesn't have it set to ring only. _Do I tell him?_

"Minseok?" he asks, and waits for the answer. There's only silence, static on the other side of the line. Lu Han's heart rate begins to pick up; he can hear it singing in his ears.

"Lu Han?" he finally hears, exhaling in relief; he hadn't realized he was holding his breath. But Minseok's voice sounds strange — something is off, and the Lu Han realizes that he can't hear the usual background noises that usually underpin their conversations during normal working hours.

"What's wrong?" Lu Han asks. There's a brief pause, before Minseok lets the words fall out in a waterfall of syllables, like he pulled the plug.

"I'm pregnant." Lu Han can't believe it. He can't believe _this, this, how can this be happening to us_ , when he works with so many couples who would do anything for a child and now here, the couple who never wanted kids —

"I'm pregnant too," he says, while he's still off balance and not second-guessing himself. _You told me. I can't believe I thought about keeping it a secret._

"What?" Minseok says; his voice is almost incredulous, Lu Han can picture his face, his eyes wide in surprise, and the whole thing is all of a sudden far too hilarious. He giggles, swallows, bursts into bright peals of laughter that turn sharp and soon tears are rolling down his face.

"I don't know what to do," he whispers over the phone.

"Let's go home," Minseok says, softly, and his voice sounds a little breathy too. Lu Han feels bad, springing it on him like that. He feels bad for a lot of things now.

_"Do you want kids?" "I don't know, not really." "Me neither."_

❁ ❁ ❁

He's easing the 911 turbo into his parking spot when Minseok's white R8 pulls up, slipping into the slot on the right. He cuts the engine, sits. The basement parking lot rings with silence.

Standing in the elevator, they don't speak. Lu Han looks at Minseok; his face is drawn, but composed. Their footsteps on the tile of the hallway ring hollowly in the cold mid-afternoon light, and the door swings shut behind them with a heavy thud. _Time's up._

"I really want a drink," Lu Han says, just to say something, anything, but it's true. He's dying for a shot of something, but he won't. He's pregnant now. That's when he realizes he's going to keep the baby.

"I wish," Minseok echoes, eyeing the door to the wine cabinet, but he doesn't make a move either. They're both just standing in the hall, kitchen archway open to the left, but Lu Han feels like he can't move forward until he knows what he's moving forward to.

"How did this happen?" Minseok asks, and the bewilderment in his eyes echoes what Lu Han is feeling. _We had our whole lives planned out._

"I don't know." Lu Han just doesn't know, and it's a strange, scary feeling. "But . . ."

"I know we didn't want kids," Minseok blurts out, jutting into his train of thought. "But I —"

"You want to keep the baby," Lu Han finishes the sentence. Minseok nods. "So do I." He doesn't know how it's going to work. He doesn't know anything.

"I believe in us," he says, rather than the hundreds of questions waiting to fall out of his mouth, to pile up in doctor's appointments and furniture and parental leaves and sleepless nights.

MInseok nods. It feels strange, standing there in their flat, not touching, and Lu Han realizes they haven't touched at all since they left for work earlier this morning. _Before the world changed forever._ He steps forward, just as Minseok does likewise, and they sink into each other's arms. It's warm, and comforting, and Lu Han knows they'll be okay. They'll work things out.

Minseok laughs, then, and Lu Han pulls back slightly to look at his husband's face, a question hovering above his eyes.

"You forgot to buy an alarm clock, didn't you," Minseok scolds him, and Lu Han grimaces. _Dammit._

"Don't worry," Minseok murmurs into his ear, resting his chin on the soft skin of Lu Han's shoulder. "Let's enjoy the sleep while we can." Lu Han groans at the thought, but he's smiling as they walk, fingers entangled, through the archway.


End file.
